For a laugh

Bob Lasko · 09-09-2020, 09:09 PM

A Few Useful Tool Definitions.....

Just a few to lighten your day....

1 DRILL PRESS-A tall, upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal out of your hands and hitting you in the chest and knuckles. Also, great for flinging objects and turning over your beer.

2 WIRE WHEEL-Cleans paint off of bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light.

3 CORDLESS DRILL-Normally used for spinning pop rivets endlessly in their holes.

4 HACKSAW-Transforms human energy into a crooked motion, the more you attempt to influence its motion, the more useless the shortened part becomes.

5 VISEGRIPS-Used for rounding off bolt heads. But, can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hands.

6 FLOORJACK-Used to lower a car to the ground after installing brake pads, firmly trapping the handle under the bumper.

7 EZ OUTS-A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in a bolt hole that wasn’t salvageable anyway.

8 TWO TON HOIST-A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.

9 HAMMER-Originally employed as a weapon of war, its purpose now is to locate and destroy expensive parts not far from the object your trying to hit.

And Finally....

10 THE DAMMIT TOOL-Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. Its also the very next tool you will have to relocate and use!

09-09-2020, 09:09 PM	#1
Bob Lasko Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Wilton,CT Posts: 628 Likes: 0 Liked 185 Times in 54 Posts	For a laugh A Few Useful Tool Definitions..... Just a few to lighten your day.... 1 DRILL PRESS-A tall, upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal out of your hands and hitting you in the chest and knuckles. Also, great for flinging objects and turning over your beer. 2 WIRE WHEEL-Cleans paint off of bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. 3 CORDLESS DRILL-Normally used for spinning pop rivets endlessly in their holes. 4 HACKSAW-Transforms human energy into a crooked motion, the more you attempt to influence its motion, the more useless the shortened part becomes. 5 VISEGRIPS-Used for rounding off bolt heads. But, can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hands. 6 FLOORJACK-Used to lower a car to the ground after installing brake pads, firmly trapping the handle under the bumper. 7 EZ OUTS-A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in a bolt hole that wasn’t salvageable anyway. 8 TWO TON HOIST-A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. 9 HAMMER-Originally employed as a weapon of war, its purpose now is to locate and destroy expensive parts not far from the object your trying to hit. And Finally.... 10 THE DAMMIT TOOL-Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. Its also the very next tool you will have to relocate and use!