1000 Ways To Lose

[Carl Battis]

When I first started racing in 2005 (still a rookie - but someday I’ll grow up!) I was fortunate to have a number of racers who took me under their wing and shared their experiences and expertise with me. I listened closely and learned a lot of valuable information which I try to keep in in mind each time I go racing. I think of these people as mentors and friends, and try to always live up to the example they set.

One conversation in particular stands out in my mind. Although it was delivered in a humorous vein, it was nonetheless one of the truest things ever said to me. Gregg Luneack told me that “there are a 1000 ways to lose, and if you do this long enough you’ll get a chance to see all of them.” We both laughed at that piece of homespun wisdom; but he was dead on in his analysis of the vagaries of our sport.

This last weekend at the Division 7 event in Phoenix at Wild Horse Pass I put Gregg’s theorem to the test. In the first event on Friday in the 3rd Round I checked off a familiar method of losing (this particular one I have multiple entries in the 1000 Ways To Lose Checklist) by being dead late on the tree. My opponent was stellar with an .017 light and ran .02 off his dial....I was a dead man walking. Perhaps I was coasting on the laurels of the previous round when it was me who was the apt pupil who did everything right and won a rare round against a legend in our sport.

But on Sunday I outdid myself and checked off not one, but two of Gregg’s ways to lose in one round! One of the ways was a familiar entry; I was -.003 red on the tree. As I headed downtrack, having already lost I looked up and noticed for the first time on the giant scoreboard that my dial-in was displayed as 11.99. Since I had shoe polish on 3 windows of the car which was 11.44 it occurred to me that even if my light had been .003 green I was still going to lose....especially since my opponent in the other lane has been racing and winning for decades. Note to self....checking the dial board 99 out of 100 times isn’t good enough.

After I uttered a few choice words which only my helmet and I will ever know, I realized that Gregg was right. There are 1000 ways to lose - and I just checked off a new one: wrong dial on the board. I have pretty good penmanship generally so I was dismayed to realize I had once again royally screwed up. Such is life.....at least I didn’t give back a win and have to read about myself on Class Racer this week.

Overall it was a pretty great weekend which reminded me of a classic Clint Eastwood movie: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

The Good - we got a chance to go racing and see our old friends once again doing what we love to do. We got to make some new friends too, there are a lot of really nice at the track. We got to make some noise, feel some G forces, and enjoy some laughs together. It was especially great to see Gary Hampton win on Sunday as he took on the role of The Giant Slayer. Congratulations to him on an incredible weekend.

The Bad - notwithstanding my losses, it was kind of sad to see the car count compared to previous years. It was also disheartening to notice how few people came out to the track to watch....although the fact anybody was there is a small victory. Mostly it was tough to know that the fallout from Covid has fundamentally changed the nature of who and how we race. I look forward to the day that some sense of normalcy will return and we can go back to unfettered events where everyone can show up and participate.

The Ugly - no question that would be the weather. It was hot hot hot! All weekend long the heat was a challenge. Maybe it’s simply a matter of being acclimated....in my home it’s already in the 20s and 30s in the evenings. I nearly melted on Wednesday as it was 104 and never really cooled off. It made me realize how lucky we are to have such dedicated people who make our events possible by outlasting the heat or the cold to keep the events moving and keep us all safe. Major kudos to all of the NHRA staff and workers who literally worked all day and into the evening Wednesday through Sunday!

The only thing left now is to go reference the manual to see which of the 1000 Ways To Lose I can check off of the list. I’m well on my way to marking an X in each of the 1000 ways. I’m hoping that before I complete that list I’ll find the way to win and put that in the prologue....it’ll make for a much more enjoyable read.

[GTX JOHN]

I have been racing since the early 1960's
I have checked off all 1000 a couple times each at least!

[Lee Valentine]

Just saying I think there's more than a thousand.

[Jeff Stout]

I use a toggle switch to activate record on play back tach. It is next to on/off switch. Flipped toggle on pre stage, shut car off by hitting power switch. By the time I got car started and inched forward I was timed out by tree.

[Carguy49]

Great story Carl. When I was racing I had many opportunities to mess up.

I lost races that I should have won.
I won races that I should have lost.

Just sayin'

[MikeMoller]

Good friend was DQ'd at an IHRA event few years back- his opponent red lighted, since he was an automatic winner he drove back to his pit bypassing the scales IHRA officials DQ'd him and reinstated the opponent.

[KennyAnderson]

Definitely more like a million ways to lose! LOL!!

In my Top Sportsman car I fought it for almost half a season. Ya see when it gets loose down low it's a hand full for the whole run. Well I actually did pretty good for the first half of the year but I was driving the wheels off it. Shock changes, Four link changes, nothing seemed to make it better. I had the N2O coming on 1/2 a second off the line and that usually worked good. Finally I told my kid over dinner after a qualifying day..." I don't care if we turn it on at half track, we have to make it race-able". The next morning before R1 my kid goes to make the timer adjustment.... "Pops, I think I found your problem..." I had it coming on at .05, NOT .5!!!! DOH!!!

I worked my butt off and all it was, was ONE DECIMAL POINT!! LOL!!

[HawkBrosMav]

Originally Posted by KennyAnderson

Definitely more like a million ways to lose! LOL!!

In my Top Sportsman car I fought it for almost half a season. Ya see when it gets loose down low it's a hand full for the whole run. Well I actually did pretty good for the first half of the year but I was driving the wheels off it. Shock changes, Four link changes, nothing seemed to make it better. I had the N2O coming on 1/2 a second off the line and that usually worked good. Finally I told my kid over dinner after a qualifying day..." I don't care if we turn it on at half track, we have to make it race-able". The next morning before R1 my kid goes to make the timer adjustment.... "Pops, I think I found your problem..." I had it coming on at .05, NOT .5!!!! DOH!!!

I worked my butt off and all it was, was ONE DECIMAL POINT!! LOL!!

Kenny.. this is a bit off subject so ill keep it short.. I was 18 and about to get my dragster license in one of my parents cars. We went out on a Friday talked with the track and got the okay to put the throttle stop on and make the car go slower than 10.00 for the night and we would come back the following weekend to do the actual licensing passes. Dad wanted me to at least sit in the car on the track before we started that process... Anyways... same deal he puts the numbers in the box.. I had no idea how to work it outside of the delay and we go up for the first pass.. Burnout.. Stage let go and make the pass.. no big deal right.. except I had never driven anything but a Jr (2 years prior to this way my last pass in the Jr) that didn't have a windshield (My doorcar at the time ran 10.60s @ 125).. Dad clearly said to me that the wind would make the pass feel much faster than I was actually going... went something like 9.06 @ 165 and was told to come back again on another day to get my license before I could make any more passes... he wanted it on the stop at 4000 basically all the way down and put 9.000 seconds in the box... except him missed a Zero and only put 0.900 in there... oops..