Joke
 

Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had turned out wrong. He thought to himself, if I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I can do well. He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN.

The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, "I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN. Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want rubbed out."

Well that very day Arti receives his first call. The caller asks if it were true that Arti would indeed kill anyone and Arti assured him that was the case.

The man told Arti he wanted his wife killed. Arti said, "Fine, but how much will you pay me?"

The man replied, "$1.00."

Arti said, "No way, bullets cost more than that."

The man replied, "Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don't want to be obligated."

Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice so he said, "OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?"

The man said, "In the produce department at Food-Mart, every day at four o'clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something."

Arti decides that he will go there and choke her. At least he will save himself the cost of bullets. Sure enough, she is in the produce department of Food-Mart complaining about the fruit being either too hard or too soft.

Arti reaches behind her and chokes her. As she fall to the floor, she makes a gasp. The manager of the produce department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him.

Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her chokes her and runs out of the supermarket.

He is captured a block away. What does the headline of the newspaper read?

ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AT FOOD-MART!

(With apologies to my friend Artie Leong)

73 more to go.

Re: Joke
 

geeezzz, that's bad.......






:)

Re: Joke
 

Shaggy Dog Jokes....

You started it Ed...

OK, now, let them roll...

Roy Rogers had been to the store and bought a beautiful new pair of Cowboy boots. Everyone in town had admired his new boots, and he was quite pleased with them..

The next day he was out on the range when suddenly he was attacked by a fierce mountain lion.

Roy fought hard against the Mountain lion, but he dropped his gun, and had no way to fight it off.

Finally Trigger ran off, and he fell on the ground, as the lion continued to attack him. He kicked and he kicked as he tried to defend himself, and the lion bit and ripped at his feet, shredding his boots, as he finally kicked the lion to death..

He threw the lion up on trigger's back and rode back into town, where he was stooped by his old friend Gabby Hayes....

Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?

David
The New Hemi Guy

Re: Joke
 

I liked Artie chokes three for a dollar better.:>):>):>)











70 more to go

Re: Joke
 

So did I Ed, but I was hoping that we would see a few more...

Guess I had hoped for too much.

David
The New Hemi Guy

Re: Joke
 

David,the best jokes I've heard lately would,under the new rules and regulations,get me bounced,if you know what I mean.








55 more to go.

Re: Joke
 

I understand.

The biggest jokes in the world, are the ones we cant talk about it.

David
The New Hemi Guy

Re: Joke
 

Shtopinsee! Nien politicinzee talkin!! JIm

.

Re: Joke
 

Heil! yes

Re: Joke
 

The Pastor's ARSE

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the
race again and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ARSE WINS.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter
the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline
read:
BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PASTOR’S
ARSE.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ARSE IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS
ARSE FOR $10.

The Bishop couldn't take it, so he
ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where
it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ARSE IS WILD AND FREE..
The Bishop was buried the next day.

There are two morals of the story . . . being
concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and
misery . . even shorten your
life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
and stop worrying about everyone else's ARSE and
you'll be a lot happier!

Re: Joke
 

A priest goes to the docks to buy a fish for dinner at the monastery. He tells the fisherman he wants a good fish and the fisherman grabs a fish and says, "This is a nice son-of-a-bitch!"

The priest is taken aback and sayas, "I beg your pardon!"

The fishmonger tries to cover his tracks, "um...you see father...a female fish is called a bitch and this fish is a son-of-a-bitch."

The priest accepts the explanation and brings the fish back to the monastary. He sees the bishop and says, "Look at this fine son-of-a-bitch I got for dinner!"

The bishop is shocked until the priest explains that a female fish is called a bitch.

The bishop sees the cardinal and tells him,"The priest got a nice son-of-a-bitch for dinner!" The cardinal is shocked until the bishop explains the nomenclature of the fish.

That evening, everyone was sitting at the table enjoying the fish dinner. The priest exclaimed, "That's a tasty son-of-a-bitch." The bishop concurred, "Delicious son-of-a-bitch". The cardinal went on, "A fine son-of-a-bitch indeed!"

The priest then turned to the newest priest and asked him, "Father Flanagan, what do you think?"

Father Flanagan said, "I don't know about the fish, but I think I'm gonna like working at this f*cking monastery!"

Re: Joke
 

Very good Bob.







49 more to go.