Limited time offer!
 

As it's come to my attention that the new FFFords can make it all of the way down to L/S now, I feel that the time is now right for me to offer (in conjunction with the West End Buck Hunting and Binge Drinking Club) to YOU, the Stocker racing community, the chance to learn, FIRST HAND, how to get out from under that old, no longer competitive, Stock Eliminator car of yours!
I will PERSONALLY begin holding 3 day classes on how to pick AND find old, oddball, overlooked combos that can be turned into perfectly good, servicable, competitive Stockers! For you Camaro lovers, I will also give instruction on how to determine what a 6 cylinder engine looks like AND I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they came with V8 engines that were NOT Big Blocks!
Day 1 will begin in the classroom (my kitchen table) with instruction into how the written English language and Math can come in VERY handy when trying to survive in Stock Eliminator in the 21st century! There will also be a very gray and vague lesson on the Rulebook and the language of Techspeak (which makes the English language skills you just learned a somewhat moot point) AND Fuzzymath(ditto those math skills)!
Day 2 will begin bright and early in some of Central Pennsylvanias fines Junkyards where you will learn the difference between a rotting POS and a fine candidate for a good lower class Stocker. I will also be giving tips on how to do bodywork with ducttape, spraybomb paintjobs and snakebite.And for you Camaro lovers I will show you what a REAL 307 2V engine looks like!
Day 3 will find us in my personal garage where I will be teaching you how to bull**** about all of the cars you COULD build while sharing a bottle of Cuervo with your buds.
As you can plainly see, you should be prepared for 3 wonderful days of fun and excitement not to mention all that you will have learned and even though I will have charged you WAAAAY too much, I can assure you it won't be as much as a new CJ.
Disclaimer; NO REFUNDS (I'll probably spend more on Cuervo and bail then you'll give me anyway). Hands will be checked at the door, no one with "pastey white girly hands" need apply. If you don't have grease under your nails and scarred knuckles, you will be turned away! In the event that you DO have "pastey white girly hands" and you decide that you want to enroll in the class anyway be warned, threatening me with more money will probably just piss me off and I AM armed.
I'll be looking forward to seeing you all!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

LMFAO........I may want to learn more about the 6 cyl in the 66 novas.......lol

Re: Limited time offer!
 

I would like to be first on the sign up sheet, I have around $500 for a -1.30 under stocker. Don't really care what class. Does this include lodging??

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Hey Billy do you want to hire a guest lecturer?

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Daran you can't go that fast till you spend at least a thousand.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Daran, yes! lodging is included! If you don't drink Cuervo then BYOB!
Art we fully expect to have "guest lecturers" in future seminars!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

I have heard rumors that Camaros came with fewer than 8 cylinders, any truth to this? How about publishing a Techspeak to English translation book with a fuzzymath conversion table in the back. Might be a best seller.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Excellent POST Billy!!! I love it.

Seems back in the 70's while in high school, I worked at a Sears Auto center. Once I do remeber seeing a 6 cyl Camaro, and I even saw one with a bench seat. I even saw a 402 Monte Carlo.

You bring back memories.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Doug,
I believe your're body style even was available with less than 6 cylinders!
Billy,
It sounds like I will fit the greasy finger nail,scarred knuckles qualifications,oh krap I maybe overqualified,I can be designated driver for class field trips,I did'nt come equipped
with that many brain cells so I was always scared adult beverages might hurt the couple good cells I may or may not have.
I could get Randall Campbell to guest lecture on how to stay in your lane when your 58MPH wagon when A/D passes you after finish line.
Mike Taylor 3601

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Billy - when you're ready to take the show on the road, I have the perfect spot here in D-2

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Billy, Those little voices working overtime ? LMAO

Re: Limited time offer!
 

"pastey white girly hands"

Does that include ones made for counting money?????????????????????

You guys may be laughing but the message is clear.We're being enhanced into extinction.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Love it!!!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Rabble rouser

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Great post Billy bit Im afraid the good days have come and gone.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Sign me up Billy.
It may take me a little time to remember my English after living near Allentown for so many years!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Guess I'll have to be the guest speaker -- and the main topic will be--- 2011"Techspeak "( both for tech on the cars and understanding the tech Dept . ) for the novice racer . And even though I've never raced a 6 cylinder Camaro all the principles are the same for a six as they are for a V8 ( more or less ) .

And for all you naysayers out there the addition of all the new cars puts us further away from being put out to pasture .These kind of rumors have been around for more than thirty years and we're still racing .............

A second seminar is already being scheduled for the graduates of the first that will take place in early Summer of this year but is filling up fast as Billy's kitchen seating is extremely limited ..................not to mention his fridge only holds so much suds .

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Hey Bill see if I could use my middle carb on a 225 SLANT, it would save me some money.I think I stayed in a Holiday Inn and I also had a paper route!!!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

By the way Billy I put a 106 in and it's much LOUDER! Same intake though and still need a converter. May test just the cam swap.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Frank,
I don't know you but I'm really disappointed with your logic,middle carb come on use all three, what are thinking. LOL
Mike Taylor3601

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Well Jack now the new "kit cars" are capable of running as low as L.I don't think I have to worry unless Ford of Fiat decides to build a twin turbo injected factory ported OHC motor rated at 150 HP and someone wants to spend a whole lot of dough to run Q,R,T.Then they'll have the whole eliminator in their control.Don't think it could happen?Who would have thought a stocker could go 9.30s a few weeks back.
So in the end Stock will come down to being the playground for rich,bored guys,some
in possession of the fore mentioned "pasty white girlie hands".

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Jack, in order, I appreciate your offer to speak at a seminar but (as we all already know) no one, not even a Tech Official fully knows the language of Techspeak so I'm affraid I will have to politefully decline. As far as the principles for a 6 and a V8 being the same, you've apparently never hung out with Big Block Camaro guys.
As far as the new cars "putting us out to pasture", you're missing the point of the seminars. the new cars are just (just) going to make most of the old A thruL cars not competitive any longer. i am only trying to teach Racers using the old cars that there are alternatives to 400+ ci engines and 4 bbl carbs.
The second seminar is still up in the air as I haven't filled the Quota for the first one yet and I'm not sure if the Camaro guys can truely be saved. They may be too far gone.
My fridgeholds NO "suds"! You can either drink Cuervo in the shop with the real men or drink tea with the girls on the porch!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

'69 Nova's came with four cylinders! :eek:

Lew

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Lew, YOU can still be saved!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Billy,

Do you take American Express?????

I have no money only plastic.

Bob

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Ed - Much of this is true .........but in the end when we're racing you still have to get out the shoe polish and put a number on the window ( and run it ) and get a light -- you proved that to all of us at Norwalk ( and Reading ) last year .Big money cars have the exact same chance as you to win ...........

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Can I trust him, as he might be younger than me, and take advantage of my declining finances,and mental abilities, and my tendency to drool from BEER ! What is the amount to submit for entry ? Thanks..........John

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Billy - OK - you're right - I've not hung out much with the big block crowd - but I do like to speak and can fill up some time slots .And there is always hope for Camaro guys ( and gals ) - don't give up on them .And believe me once word gets out a bunch of the "Florida" guys will be begging to attend your deal .

As for where I'll be -- here it is -- I'll be on the porch with the ladies ....clean hands or not ! !

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Jack,the problem starts down the road a ways,when enough of these cars get out there
and the heads up races start in eliminations.Take you for example.You always have fast cars.But can your LS-1s keep up with the Fords and DPs in an elimination heads up run?
You're right about me not worrying about this problem.For now.How about down the road.How greedy will Ford,Mopar and NHRA get?
I have to wonder what NHRA is thinking.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Only dead Presidents need apply! Otherwise, "No Habla Ingles".

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Hay John Lang, Forget everything else "Drool is Good"

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Ed - Yes , the problem will be down the road but hopefully by then "they" will have had some horsepower put on ( did you see Mr.Tueton got some this afternoon ) and the cars will be a little more equal .None of any of this should stop someone from racing .I guess that's easy for me to say as I've not had my first heads-up with the any of the new generation of cars .............

As for my LS1's you're right as they can't keep up ..................Today .............And how many more years are we going to be doing this ? ? I guess my point is we should enjoy everyday we get to the track and worry less about the trivial stuff .

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Eddie, not to trivialize my seminar program (and I hate to say this) but I have to agree with Jack. If getting beat by a new car that wasn't factored right had caused me to stop racing then I would have quit in 1973 when Jack showed up at Island in his 350 Ventura and started abusing me every weekend (I had a 66 Impala W/283 2V). It just made me want to learn the game. Oh yeah, there is that Jack Matyas doll that I kick the s**t out of every morning, first thing but other than that I turned out OK.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Bill I hear you about class.But what about when you get into eliminations.It may not be this year but down the road if enough of them are racing us low ballers are outta here.It becomes a rich mans playground.Maybe that's what NHRA wants in the long run.Less cars and guys with money who can take all the enhancement ($$$$) hits.
Did I ever tell you about the Billy Nees doll I have?

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Geez Billy - Holding a grudge for 38 years is a bit much .............And the jury is still out on whether you turned out OK .But there is still hope ...........And damm , that Ventura was a great car ! !

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Let first see if American Education Services (AES) offers an $ aid package for your instruction. I'm sure Obama will have something available.

Re: Limited time offer!
 

Ed - Enough with the money stuff .You say it becomes a rich mans playground - but the truth is Wally started the NHRA with hot rodders who built their own cars .The problem as I see it is you're unhappy that you can't or won't keep-up with the costs of racing today .Those early guys built their own stuff - your abilities can't handle doing that and finances dictate that you can't or won't pay someone .That being said you're an unhappy camper some days as many of us are - but not enough to piss on everyones' Wheaties as you do on a regular basis .As you've said many times you're entitled to an opinion - and this is mine .

It's 2011 and things cost more .........maybe you should spend more time trying to earn more instead of complaining ...................

Re: Limited time offer!
 

OK Billy, count me in. Let's see...I can make the Caprice into a '80 and then drop in a 229? That's a lot of weight to move with a V-6!

Re: Limited time offer!
 

It just upsets me to no end that you all out there are making a joke out of Billy's proposal. The man has offred you a true alternative to get away from the bogus rated cars and you all make light of it. You should be ashamed of yourselves. The man taught me how to spell correctly recently, he has picked my car up over three tenths effortlessly. He has shown me that there is more to life than just life. He has introduced me to individuals that I wish I never knew. You all need to get some respect, and get it quick. Billy, tell them what is really happening, enlighten the masses so we all can be saved from the dreaded inoperative AHFS.

BTW Billy, is there going to be any of your well versed T-Shirts for sale at the classes.

Ron Ortiz
U/SA "Billy Approved"

Re: Limited time offer!
 

The gift shoppe will be open!