Blonde jokes

[bobby]

7 degrees of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.. The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. Its W.'

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a USC Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about..
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND COP!'
> A friend told the blond: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
> The blond then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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> Two blonds find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
> One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
> The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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>
> A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex.
> The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
> To which the blonde replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
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> A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
> She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
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> A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish.
> "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
> The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
> The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
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> A blond spies a letter lying on his doormat.
> It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
> He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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> A blond man shouts frantically into the phone
> "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
> "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
> "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
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> A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
> A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
> The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
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> A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic.
> Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
>
> She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
>
> "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
>
> "Here boy!" she replies.
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> A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
> "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
> "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
> "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
> "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
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> (This one actually makes sense...lol)
>
> An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
> To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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