Joke

Ed Fernandez · 04-20-2012, 11:09 PM

Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had turned out wrong. He thought to himself, if I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I can do well. He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN.

The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, "I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN. Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want rubbed out."

Well that very day Arti receives his first call. The caller asks if it were true that Arti would indeed kill anyone and Arti assured him that was the case.

The man told Arti he wanted his wife killed. Arti said, "Fine, but how much will you pay me?"

The man replied, "$1.00."

Arti said, "No way, bullets cost more than that."

The man replied, "Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don't want to be obligated."

Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice so he said, "OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?"

The man said, "In the produce department at Food-Mart, every day at four o'clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something."

Arti decides that he will go there and choke her. At least he will save himself the cost of bullets. Sure enough, she is in the produce department of Food-Mart complaining about the fruit being either too hard or too soft.

Arti reaches behind her and chokes her. As she fall to the floor, she makes a gasp. The manager of the produce department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him.

Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her chokes her and runs out of the supermarket.

He is captured a block away. What does the headline of the newspaper read?

ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AT FOOD-MART!

(With apologies to my friend Artie Leong)

73 more to go.

Tom keedle · 04-21-2012, 10:07 AM

geeezzz, that's bad.......

NewHemi · 04-21-2012, 12:07 PM

Shaggy Dog Jokes....

You started it Ed...

OK, now, let them roll...

Roy Rogers had been to the store and bought a beautiful new pair of Cowboy boots. Everyone in town had admired his new boots, and he was quite pleased with them..

The next day he was out on the range when suddenly he was attacked by a fierce mountain lion.

Roy fought hard against the Mountain lion, but he dropped his gun, and had no way to fight it off.

Finally Trigger ran off, and he fell on the ground, as the lion continued to attack him. He kicked and he kicked as he tried to defend himself, and the lion bit and ripped at his feet, shredding his boots, as he finally kicked the lion to death..

He threw the lion up on trigger's back and rode back into town, where he was stooped by his old friend Gabby Hayes....

Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?

David
The New Hemi Guy

Ed Fernandez · 04-21-2012, 08:36 PM

I liked Artie chokes three for a dollar better.:>):>):>)

70 more to go

NewHemi · 05-05-2012, 11:30 PM

So did I Ed, but I was hoping that we would see a few more...

Guess I had hoped for too much.

David
The New Hemi Guy

Ed Fernandez · 05-06-2012, 10:55 PM

David,the best jokes I've heard lately would,under the new rules and regulations,get me bounced,if you know what I mean.

55 more to go.

NewHemi · 05-07-2012, 11:29 AM

I understand.

The biggest jokes in the world, are the ones we cant talk about it.

David
The New Hemi Guy

Jim Wahl · 05-07-2012, 02:54 PM

Shtopinsee! Nien politicinzee talkin!! JIm

.

Dick Butler · 05-07-2012, 07:38 PM

Heil! yes

Eddies66 · 05-08-2012, 09:12 AM

The Pastor's ARSE

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the
race again and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ARSE WINS.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter
the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline
read:
BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PASTOR’S
ARSE.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ARSE IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS
ARSE FOR $10.

The Bishop couldn't take it, so he
ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where
it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ARSE IS WILD AND FREE..
The Bishop was buried the next day.

There are two morals of the story . . . being
concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and
misery . . even shorten your
life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
and stop worrying about everyone else's ARSE and
you'll be a lot happier!

04-20-2012, 11:09 PM	#1
Ed Fernandez Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: NOO JOISEY nexta NOO YAWK Posts: 5,879 Likes: 38 Liked 100 Times in 45 Posts	Joke Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had turned out wrong. He thought to himself, if I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I can do well. He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN. The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, "I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN. Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want rubbed out." Well that very day Arti receives his first call. The caller asks if it were true that Arti would indeed kill anyone and Arti assured him that was the case. The man told Arti he wanted his wife killed. Arti said, "Fine, but how much will you pay me?" The man replied, "$1.00." Arti said, "No way, bullets cost more than that." The man replied, "Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don't want to be obligated." Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice so he said, "OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?" The man said, "In the produce department at Food-Mart, every day at four o'clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something." Arti decides that he will go there and choke her. At least he will save himself the cost of bullets. Sure enough, she is in the produce department of Food-Mart complaining about the fruit being either too hard or too soft. Arti reaches behind her and chokes her. As she fall to the floor, she makes a gasp. The manager of the produce department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him. Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her chokes her and runs out of the supermarket. He is captured a block away. What does the headline of the newspaper read? ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AT FOOD-MART! (With apologies to my friend Artie Leong) 73 more to go. __________________ Former NHRA #1945 Former IHRA #1945 T/SA

04-21-2012, 10:07 AM	#2
Tom keedle Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Berthoud, Coloraduh Posts: 695 Likes: 13 Liked 7 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Joke geeezzz, that's bad....... __________________ without losers,winning means nothing.

04-21-2012, 12:07 PM	#3
NewHemi Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Ohio Posts: 472 Likes: 0 Liked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Joke Shaggy Dog Jokes.... You started it Ed... OK, now, let them roll... Roy Rogers had been to the store and bought a beautiful new pair of Cowboy boots. Everyone in town had admired his new boots, and he was quite pleased with them.. The next day he was out on the range when suddenly he was attacked by a fierce mountain lion. Roy fought hard against the Mountain lion, but he dropped his gun, and had no way to fight it off. Finally Trigger ran off, and he fell on the ground, as the lion continued to attack him. He kicked and he kicked as he tried to defend himself, and the lion bit and ripped at his feet, shredding his boots, as he finally kicked the lion to death.. He threw the lion up on trigger's back and rode back into town, where he was stooped by his old friend Gabby Hayes.... Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes? David The New Hemi Guy Last edited by NewHemi; 04-21-2012 at 12:16 PM.

04-21-2012, 08:36 PM	#4
Ed Fernandez Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: NOO JOISEY nexta NOO YAWK Posts: 5,879 Likes: 38 Liked 100 Times in 45 Posts	Re: Joke I liked Artie chokes three for a dollar better.:>):>):>) 70 more to go __________________ Former NHRA #1945 Former IHRA #1945 T/SA

05-05-2012, 11:30 PM	#5
NewHemi Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Ohio Posts: 472 Likes: 0 Liked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Joke So did I Ed, but I was hoping that we would see a few more... Guess I had hoped for too much. David The New Hemi Guy

05-06-2012, 10:55 PM	#6
Ed Fernandez Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: NOO JOISEY nexta NOO YAWK Posts: 5,879 Likes: 38 Liked 100 Times in 45 Posts	Re: Joke David,the best jokes I've heard lately would,under the new rules and regulations,get me bounced,if you know what I mean. 55 more to go. __________________ Former NHRA #1945 Former IHRA #1945 T/SA

05-07-2012, 11:29 AM	#7
NewHemi Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Ohio Posts: 472 Likes: 0 Liked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Joke I understand. The biggest jokes in the world, are the ones we cant talk about it. David The New Hemi Guy

05-07-2012, 02:54 PM	#8
Jim Wahl Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Central Florida Posts: 5,842 Likes: 627 Liked 672 Times in 121 Posts	Re: Joke Shtopinsee! Nien politicinzee talkin!! JIm . __________________ Jim Wahl....NHRA #2239 S/SS - IHRA # 8 Stock, D2 Stock Champion (forever I guess) 2019 Baby Gators Stock Champion 2009 D2 National Open Stock Champion 1981 D2 West Palm Beach LDRS SS Runner Up Past President, Southern Stock / Super Stock Association. SSSSA Forum Moderator

05-07-2012, 07:38 PM	#9
Dick Butler VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Richmond Indiana Posts: 1,197 Likes: 5 Liked 32 Times in 19 Posts	Re: Joke Heil! yes

05-08-2012, 09:12 AM	#10
Eddies66 VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Rancho Mirage, CA Posts: 1,120 Likes: 282 Liked 794 Times in 383 Posts	Re: Joke The Pastor's ARSE A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ARSE WINS. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ARSE. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ARSE IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ARSE FOR $10. The Bishop couldn't take it, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ARSE IS WILD AND FREE.. The Bishop was buried the next day. There are two morals of the story . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. and stop worrying about everyone else's ARSE and you'll be a lot happier!